Wannabe Hippie

I am, for the most part, exceptionally good at my job. In 2011 we did such good work at the Pub that I more than doubled expected earnings. (Alternately, this could indicate that I am far too conservative at budgeting, but I'm willing to take the win here).

But recently I made a mistake.

A fairly big one.

And damn am I beating myself up over it.

I can look at the numbers, come up with exactly how much this mistake costs the company (about 2% of the extra money made this year) and fully recognize that it is a tiny amount of money to screw up over. I can remind myself that I have made 100 right choices to this one mistake. Nobody was hurt from this mistake. Nobody lost their job over it, either. I can logic my way to a place where I should be clear of guilt. But I don't actually feel relieved of said guilt. Instead, I feel it so deeply I have considered locking the door to my office and crying over this error.

Why do we do this to ourselves? What part of human nature does it serve? I know that I shouldn't strive to dismiss error without introspection, but why does that have to lead to feelings of failure, especially when logic shows me it's not as bad as I feel?

Ultimately, I suspect this is about pride. This mistake hurt mine. I don't like being wrong and when my wrong is not something I can cover up or shift, it's so freaking painful I want to hide. But it's pride. And while I know it is one of the deadly sins (some say the worst of them), I have no idea how to turn it on it's ear and allow myself to simply be wrong without all the damn feelings associated with that wrong.

So dear people who live in my computer, tell me how to stop being upset with myself. Don't logic me, I already have that down and it's not helping. I need something else. I just don't know what it is.